Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
