ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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