New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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