it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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