I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
