We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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