it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
