There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
