Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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