Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
