i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
