sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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