I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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