Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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