Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
