It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
