If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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