I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
