so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
