Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
