I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
