I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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