hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Randomize
