Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
