capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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