My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
