wat bout pragnant strippers??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
