I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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