11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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