Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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