I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
