my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
