Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
