doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
