With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
