i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
