His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
