Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
