how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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