Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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