Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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