btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
