one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
