I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
