Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You can't motorboat a personality
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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