well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
