I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
