as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
