I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
