Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
