I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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