Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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