You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
