is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
