this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
