how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
