so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
