i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
