Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She swung at the pinata with crutches
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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