the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
