Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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