I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
