In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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