dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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