I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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