That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize