They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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