So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
