yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
