I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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