Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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