Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
