I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
