So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
