I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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